• Toni Kenyon

The Black Dog of Depression Calling...

Some days it feels like everything is too hard.

"Struggle" is the word of the day and all I want to do is go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend the world isn't out there waiting to get me.

Then I look out the window at my garden.

Have I told you how much solace I get from my garden?

As I write this, I can hear a local thrush outside calling. She's been regularly visiting since the start of the grape season. She keeps on coming down and picking over the last of the grapes on the grape vine (and I'm encouraging her by leaving dodgy bits of fruit on the fence).

Then I get to watch Freyja do what cats do when there’s a bird sitting on the fence. Her bottom jaw seems to tremble/fit as she gets so excited watching the little thrush eating grapes. Luckily, Freyja isn’t very quick and agile and the little thrush knows that she’s safe--I think.

Anyway, what does this have to do with going back to bed and avoiding the world?

I guess it’s about distraction. Finding the little things that bring me joy and encourage me to embrace the world around me instead of retreating from it.

Writing helps me too. Sharing the strange thoughts in my head. Whether my writing helps you or not, well that’s another question. If it does, I’m glad, because I certainly feel better when I get to the end of a writing session.

So why the anxiety?

Who knows?

It just arrives and hangs around for a while and then it goes.

I’ve learned over the years that I don’t have to be a victim of what goes on in my head. All I have to do is the next right thing in front of me and wait for the feelings to lift.

Because they always do.

And the photograph that I’ve chosen today.

That little seedling is going to grow into something amazing. It’s not given up and gone back to bed just because it’s roots aren’t sitting in the perfect soil, or the sun isn’t shining just right. It’s striking out and doing what seedlings do.

It’s growing--and I guess so am I.

How about you? What are you doing today that's helping you to grow or bringing you joy?

Yours in love and gratitude,

Toni xx

#willpower #gratitude #sobriety #depression #anxiety

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