I had time to reflect today.
As I write this, it’s the day before Valentine’s Day--the day when every woman (and probably a lot of men) who are involved in a romantic relationship have some kind of romantic expectation that may (or may not) be met tomorrow.
Remember the Golden Rule: Expectations are premeditated resentments!
February 13th is also the day that my ex-husband (and the father of my children) and I married. That relationship lasted for over twenty years of my life--which at the time we separated was half of my life. To say that separation terrified me was an understatement.
I had no choice but to step out in faith and trust that the Universe (and my Higher Power) would support me and the rest of my family through the turmoil of the unraveling of a relationship that had clearly run its course.
We separated when I was in early recovery from alcoholism. I don’t care what anyone says, when you’re in the throes of trying to pull your life back together after years of substance abuse, sometimes there’s just too much damage that has been done and you have to walk away.
My alcoholism and addiction destroyed our relationship and I didn’t have to be drinking to be running amok.
A side note: My sons always describe having three Mum’s. The addict mum, the early recovery mum (who they describe as even more insane than the addict mum) and the recovery mum that they love and respect today.
So, I’m always dogged by a feeling of melancholy on the 13th of February and it has something to do with the fact that I couldn’t make that particular primary relationship in my life work. I know that the way to resolve that lingering hurt is to forgive myself--and practice daily amends by remaining sober and living an honest and open life--but that doesn’t stop the odd pang of hurt when my head goes back to the day we married.
The hope.
The love.
The support we got from friends and family still lives with me today and I feel sad that I couldn’t change the outcome for all involved.
I try to practice “no regrets” in my life, but the 13th of February is always a reminder that sometimes regrets follow you around even when you don’t want them.
Another side note: “No Regrets” is a song written by Robbie Williams. When I was drunk and trying desperately to get sober, I discovered Robbie. His words, his lyrics and his melodies spoke to me in a way that nothing else did at that time. His work gave me hope and I hadn’t felt hope for a very long time. I always share that “Robbie” was (and largely still is) my Higher Power. February 13th is Robbie’s birthday! :-)
Happy Birthday, Robbie! Without you and your lyrics, I don’t think I’d even be writing this.
If you’re interested, I wrote a book called, “Pushing Up Daisies” that is a fictionalised account of my recovery from alcoholism.
Anyway, after a failed marriage, why do I believe in Happy Ever After?
Because I’m a romance writer and reading/writing romance has also contributed in a massive way to saving my life and my sanity.
And love is the ultimate drug! ;-)
Today I can report that I’m happily married to my bass player and we’ve been in a wonderful, honest, open, committed (and alcohol free) relationship for many, many years. As I type this, he’s in the recording studio with a lead guitar player putting down ‘licks’ for one of my latest songs…
Watch this space!
Also, how could I not believe in happy ever afters when I espouse on greatly about gratitude. A happy ever after is the ultimate achievement for a gratitude freak.
How about you?
What will you be doing with your beloved tomorrow? Or, if you don’t have a beloved in your life, how will you be practicing some self-care?
Yours in love & gratitude,
Toni xx